- There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
- When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
- There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
- When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Chuck Norris
Of course, you know who Chuck Norris is, right? But how much do you know about him? Here are some facts:
Friday, November 10, 2006
I, for one, welcome our new Democratic overlords
Well, this blog is purposefully non-political, so that's about all I have to say here about the results of the 2006 mid-term election season. Yeah, I got this idea from someplace else and from this place.Click here to learn more about The Simpsons episode that inspired that phrase.
Apologies to Kent Brockman, the best news anchorman of our time. Well, at least in Springfield. (That's Kent reading the news in the picture.)
Enough of political commentary. Spike the Wave will now return to its regularly scheduled programming.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
super haircut
Have you ever wondered how, exactly, Superman is able to get his hair cut? He is the man of steel after all. If you saw the movie that came out in 2006, you will know that a bullet will bounce off his eyeball. So how does he cut his hair? Red kryptonite is known to have random effects on Kryptonians like Superman. Perhaps he cuts his hair using special kryptonite-laced scissors, made with Batman's help? And what about trimming his fingernails?
These are the kinds of questions that keep me awake at night.
Update
Okay, I just finished watching a National Geographic Channel program from last summer called The Science of Superman. In this program they tackled, among other things, how exactly Superman cuts his hair and shaves his face. The answer will both shock and amaze you, and yet surprise you with how blindingly obvious it truly is. I know when I first heard the answer, I literally almost fell off the couch in amazement!
These are the kinds of questions that keep me awake at night.
Update
Okay, I just finished watching a National Geographic Channel program from last summer called The Science of Superman. In this program they tackled, among other things, how exactly Superman cuts his hair and shaves his face. The answer will both shock and amaze you, and yet surprise you with how blindingly obvious it truly is. I know when I first heard the answer, I literally almost fell off the couch in amazement!
Sunday, October 08, 2006
bird watching
this post is a reprint from the "The Dave Report" archives, originally published 3/15/05... enjoy!
Our cats' favorite hobby is bird watching. They really love watching the birds: woodpeckers, robins (but not Robin), bluejays, chickadees, purple finches, cardinals, and mourning doves. The cats are just completely fascinated as the birds hop around our deck, chirping, eating food, and taunting. Always just out of reach on the opposite side of a sliding glass door.
For fun, sometimes a few birds will hop up right next to the sliding glass door and stick their tongue out at the cats. Or, they would if they had tongues. (Do birds even have tongues?) Occasionally, in retaliation, one of the cats will pounce. Followed quickly by an "oh yeah" moment. As Chubby (one of our cats would say), "stupid glass!"
A few weeks ago, our cats decided that not all birds are enjoyable to watch. A hawk had paid a visit to our deck. Only Blackie was bird watching at the time, and she did the best she could to hide behind a potted plant. Blackie later said, "Just because I can't get through glass doesn't mean that that huge monster bird thing can't get through!"
Our cats' favorite hobby is bird watching. They really love watching the birds: woodpeckers, robins (but not Robin), bluejays, chickadees, purple finches, cardinals, and mourning doves. The cats are just completely fascinated as the birds hop around our deck, chirping, eating food, and taunting. Always just out of reach on the opposite side of a sliding glass door.
For fun, sometimes a few birds will hop up right next to the sliding glass door and stick their tongue out at the cats. Or, they would if they had tongues. (Do birds even have tongues?) Occasionally, in retaliation, one of the cats will pounce. Followed quickly by an "oh yeah" moment. As Chubby (one of our cats would say), "stupid glass!"
A few weeks ago, our cats decided that not all birds are enjoyable to watch. A hawk had paid a visit to our deck. Only Blackie was bird watching at the time, and she did the best she could to hide behind a potted plant. Blackie later said, "Just because I can't get through glass doesn't mean that that huge monster bird thing can't get through!"
fun with metal detectors
this post is a reprint from the "The Dave Report" archives, originally published 3/15/05... enjoy!
Yesterday (Labour Day in most of Australia), Dave & Sarah were in Indiana for court hearing. The reasons are not important for this newsletter. Suffice it to say that Dave is free on his own recognizance. eh heh...
Anyway...
Since 9/11, courthouses around the country have significantly improved the security measures they implement, especially with their use of metal detectors.
Yesterday, just before Dave was about to walk through the full-height metal detector, he, of course, emptied his pockets of anything containing or made of metal, such as his vast key collection. Certain that he was now free of metal, Dave confidentally walked through the metal detector. The detector immediately set of an alarm.
Dave dutifully stopped so that a security guard could check him with the hand detector (which, ironically, is NOT used to detect hands). The detector set of its alarm when it passed over the right side of Dave's jacket.
"What do you have in your pocket?" the guard asked, while slowly moving his hand to his revolver. The other guard noticing the commotion, moved closer and charged up his lightsaber.
"Um, I don't know, let me check", Dave said.
Dave reached a hand (one of his own) into his jacket. "Easy...", the guards both said.
Grabbing whatever was in his jacket pocket, Dave pulled his hand out and opened it to the guard.
"Oh, is that all?" The guard said on seeing in Dave's hand a pack of gum (the chewing kind). "It was probably just the aluminum in the wrapping! Ha ha ha!"
On hearing this, everyone in the waiting area laughed heartily. And the other guard discharged his lightsaber and returned it to its scabbard.
The moral of this story? Don't carry gum!
Yesterday (Labour Day in most of Australia), Dave & Sarah were in Indiana for court hearing. The reasons are not important for this newsletter. Suffice it to say that Dave is free on his own recognizance. eh heh...
Anyway...
Since 9/11, courthouses around the country have significantly improved the security measures they implement, especially with their use of metal detectors.
Yesterday, just before Dave was about to walk through the full-height metal detector, he, of course, emptied his pockets of anything containing or made of metal, such as his vast key collection. Certain that he was now free of metal, Dave confidentally walked through the metal detector. The detector immediately set of an alarm.
Dave dutifully stopped so that a security guard could check him with the hand detector (which, ironically, is NOT used to detect hands). The detector set of its alarm when it passed over the right side of Dave's jacket.
"What do you have in your pocket?" the guard asked, while slowly moving his hand to his revolver. The other guard noticing the commotion, moved closer and charged up his lightsaber.
"Um, I don't know, let me check", Dave said.
Dave reached a hand (one of his own) into his jacket. "Easy...", the guards both said.
Grabbing whatever was in his jacket pocket, Dave pulled his hand out and opened it to the guard.
"Oh, is that all?" The guard said on seeing in Dave's hand a pack of gum (the chewing kind). "It was probably just the aluminum in the wrapping! Ha ha ha!"
On hearing this, everyone in the waiting area laughed heartily. And the other guard discharged his lightsaber and returned it to its scabbard.
The moral of this story? Don't carry gum!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)